March | 2018 | Not Easily Broken

Fear Not – From Brittne Epps

Fear Not

Isaiah 41:13 says, “For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”

This is the scripture the Lord spoke to me the morning of Monday, December 4, 2017, the day that changed the life of my husband, Travis and I forever. The Saturday prior to this day, my husband and I were in our bathroom looking in utter shock and amazement at a pregnancy test that showed a positive result. All I could say was, “oh my gosh, oh my gosh is this really correct?” Travis immediately started tearing up as he already knew the result was accurate. He was the one that told me to take it that morning because I had been displaying symptoms of nausea and frequent urination that whole week. But I had no idea that I would actually test positive on the pregnancy test because I had just tested negative on one not too long ago. So, just to be sure, we scheduled an appointment with Amnion Pregnancy Center, a non-profit Christian organization right up the street, unbeknown to us! Interesting right? So, long story short, I was due to go in for my appointment Monday morning to confirm whether or not we were indeed expecting. I was lying there in our bed just thinking and feeling so many different emotions and thoughts. What if I really am pregnant? What if it’s a false alarm? What if I miscarry? Am I ready to be a mother? What if something happens to me during labor? How painful is it going to be? And the list goes on and on. As my eyes welled up with tears, I picked up my cell phone and went to my Bible app to read, and there it was, the verse of the Day: Isaiah 41:13. As I read the verse I burst into tears as the Lord spoke directly to my spirit. I began to thank God and worship Him and praise Him in advance for all He was going to do for Travis and me. It was in that moment that I already knew that we were expecting for sure, and immediately the fear had left. Blessed assurance and peace rested upon me at that very moment. But most importantly, the Lord had given me a promise that He would be with me during this pregnancy and that He is going to help me through it all.

So here we are, 5 months later, and at an all-time high in this journey we call pregnancy. The Lord is daily keeping His promise to me and Travis and after all my morning sickness, suffering hormonal and emotional roller coasters, and even a season of depression, the Lord has restored my joy, strength, peace and happiness like nobody’s business! I am so thrilled and happy to announce that as of Tuesday, March 20, 2017, Travis and I are expecting our first, precious little baby boy! God is so awesome! It was funny because the whole time Travis thought we were having a girl, but a part of me knew the whole time that it was going to be a boy. I actually dreamt about holding a boy some weeks before we found out that we were expecting, so I held on to that dream in the recesses of my mind, and to my amazement it has come to fruition.

When Travis and I were watching our baby on the ultra sound on Tuesday, all I could do was laugh and smile as he moved and kicked me (lol). And then the moment came when we both saw the “undeniable proof” that the baby was in fact a boy; we both let out a gasp and said “oh my gosh it’s a boy!” I couldn’t stop laughing and saying “I knew it, I knew it!” and Travis was holding back tears as he said, “Wow, I thought it was a girl, I’m having a boy first?!” We spent all day and evening calling family members to spread the great news, and I could just see the happiness in my husband’s eyes as he expressed his joy and anticipation of raising his first-born son. As I looked at my husband, I thought to myself, and to God, “Wow, I thank You for choosing me to carry and bring forth his son into this world and to fulfill my calling as a mother to raise up a mighty man of God in this Earth.” I also thought about the lessons I have learned in such a short span of time in our marriage.

In the past 5 months, Travis and I have gone through a few hurdles while adjusting to the pregnancy. There were times when I would become so emotional and overwhelmed for no reason at all. Sometimes I would just be super hungry, super cranky and super tired, and would cry because of it. Thankfully, there were times when my wonderful husband would go out, even if it was at midnight, to pick me up whatever food I was craving. And then there were those times where I would become super sensitive during disagreements and lash out on Travis because I felt like he wasn’t understanding me or giving me the attention, I continuously nagged him for. Of course, this was all new to Travis, so he didn’t understand at first what I was experiencing physically, emotionally and mentally from being pregnant, and unfortunately, I would become so emotional that I failed at communicating exactly what I wanted or needed from him; sometimes I didn’t even know what it was that I wanted or needed. As a result, this created an atmosphere of frustration for the both of us at home. But the hardest part of the pregnancy for the both of us was when I was forced to take a break from my job because I was missing too many days from being so sick. I honestly felt bad about this. I felt like I had let my husband and my job down because of the pregnancy. I didn’t realize it at first, but I slowly slipped into a depression. With all this time on my hands at home, I didn’t know what to do with myself at first. For several days in a row I would just sleep and do nothing. I hated being home alone, but at the same time I was so depressed I didn’t want to do anything outside either. It got to a point where Travis sat me down and told me this isn’t healthy anymore. You have to get out and do something, for you and the baby. Of course, I cried and yelled and made all the excuses in the world as to why I didn’t want to. I even blamed him at one point for my misery. But, today I am so glad I listened to my husband. After the talk, my husband graciously let me take a break from home for about a week. This abrupt getaway turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I didn’t realize it until I changed my environment for this short period of time, that I wasn’t doing productive things at home, like I should have been while waiting to work again. Being able to step back and put everything into perspective I realized that I needed to PRAY. Being away from my husband that week completely ignited an appreciation within me for him that I had never experienced before. I also realized that I fell off a lot from praying for certain things in our marriage, praying for other people and needs beyond myself, and even being submissive. When I came back home to my husband, I made a resolve that things would be different moving forward. I was going to get my fight back for my family, my marriage and my prayer life. I had to reset and get my priorities back in order and realize that we are about to bring a child into this world and he deserves to be raised in a stable, healthy and spiritually sound environment. So, I put my “big girl pants” on and put my faith into action. I got back home, changed my attitude, and my husband and I talked over habits we needed to reform, as well as things that needed to change in our home. Since then we have been praying together again every morning, communicating with each other more openly and lovingly, I have also been making a conscious effort every day to stay in reading the Word of God and in prayer and to allow the Holy Ghost to take control of my life. But just as important as that, I have also been putting the needs of my husband and my home first; which is what we as wives are called to do and will be judged for. I’ve learned that submission to God and your husband changes everything for the better. When you take a moment to step back and actually listen to God and your husband, life will get so much easier for you and your family. Your marriage will be transformed right in front of your eyes and your prayer life will take flight. I am learning that in life, as a saved young woman of God, when you place Jesus first, your family second and yourself last, everything will fall into place according to God’s design and you Will be blessed beyond measure. This is one of the many lessons Travis and I plan to instill into the life of our little baby boy.